When your child starts to call the maid ‘mama’, it’s time to pay more attention to him.

I HAVE three kids aged two-and-a-half, six and eight. My maid has been with us since my son was one month old. She has been telling my son that if he does not behave or listen to her, she will leave him and return home.

My son feels sad whenever I do not bring my maid along when we go out as a family. He would not hug me or run to me when I pick him up from nursery school. When he reaches home, he would ask my maid to hug him. I am worried about this close bond he has for the maid.

When I told my son that my maid would have to go home one day, he threw a fit. He said he would never accept anyone else except her. He has even started to call her “mama”. I suspect my maid has influenced him into doing so.

Lately, I discovered that my maid has been stealing from us. We had trusted her but sadly, she has been dishonest. We have decided to dismiss her because we can no longer tolerate her ways.

We are now worried about our son’s emotional state. I depend on my maid as my son’s caregiver when I am out and about. I am still breastfeeding my son at night. This is the only time I am able to care for him. Please advise me on how to handle this situation when my maid leaves. I hope my son would not get too upset with her dismissal. How should I explain this to him? – Worried Mother

AS a child enters his third year, he can have several satisfying relationships with the people in his life – his father, mother, sisters, caregivers and grandparents. He also understands the hierarchy of these relationships. They all have a special meaning to him. Some relationships are more central to him at this point of his life and he will protest at the possibility of separation.

His caregiver, your maid, plays an important role in his life because she takes care of him while you are away. She is also his playmate. But you are still his mother. As he becomes more aware of his feelings, he is also able to recognise the feelings of others. When he is upset, he does not feel love. He also worries that when other people are upset with him, they may not love him either. With his lack of experience and limited ability, he finds it difficult to grasp that others may feel differently. As a result, he feels anxious whenever he fears any loss. He will get very upset when you or your maid mentions that he will lose someone close to him.

The problem you have with your maid can lead to more anxiety for your child. To help ease the transition for your young son, pay attention to his needs and feelings. If you can start to fill his emotional tank with positive actions and words, your son will be more cooperative and relaxed. For example, while you are in-between errands, take some time to read to him or do a quiet time activity with him. You need not wait for him to hug you or say:

“I love you!” You can give these loving gestures spontaneously. Instead of telling your son to prepare to say goodbye to your maid, you may want to build a strong friendship with him. Make time to play games that help him master separation issues, such as hide-and-seek or role-playing with dolls and animals.

Create a happy and harmonious home environment for your son. While your maid is still around, be nice to her, as this will prove to your son that all is well, no matter what changes lie ahead.