Toddlers’ negative habits should be managed positively.

MY son is two and a half years old. He likes to bite his lips when he is sleepy. He picked up this habit when I stopped breastfeeding him at about one year old.

He does it often now – when he is alone, sleepy, watching TV or on long car rides.

Can I put some chilli or minyak angin on his lips to discourage him from biting them? – Concerned Mother

WHEN toddlers develop habits such as nail-biting, hair-pulling, thumb-sucking or lip-biting, parents should find out the cause. To change a habit, parents need to know what triggers the behaviour and use only positive management.

Your son started biting his lips at the time when he was weaned and became more self-aware.

Whenever he feels anxious, worried or lonely, he will bite his lips to channel off negative feelings. According to Dr Alicia F. Lieberman, author of The Emotional Life of the Toddler, as toddlers become more competent and aware of things around them, they will develop fears and insecurities.

Their security base is no longer the same. For example, your son used to find comfort in breastfeeding, but now he is no longer able to do so. At two years of age, your son is becoming more competent and independent but still needs to feel reassured.

He worries about a lot of things such as being left alone or travelling for long periods of time in a car.

You may want to help your child deal with the underlying reason for biting his lips, rather than working at stopping the habit. If you nag him about his lip-biting, he may do it more often to comfort himself.

Before you do anything to get rid of your son’s habit, you must recognise his feelings. Acknowledge them whenever possible so that he knows you are aware of how he feels.

When he is afraid, you can tell him: “You don’t like to be left alone. You are afraid that you cannot see Mummy.”

He may get anxious when he is watching something that is scary on television. Say to him: “You don’t like watching that man on television.” Be watchful to ensure that your child is not exposed to violent acts or display of behaviours that are confusing to a toddler. Keep him occupied with songs and simple games during long car journeys.

Your child needs to be occupied so that he does not bite his lips unknowingly. If he is feeling uncomfortable, try to help him relax by making more frequent pit-stops.

Toddlers fare better when they get a chance to run around to relax. They need to be active after sitting passively for a long time in the car.

Dr Lieberman also cautioned parents that toddlers are affected by the intuitive reactions to their behaviour and responses. If you perceive your toddler positively, and love and accept him unconditionally, he will respond in a like manner.

Keep your expectations reasonable and be attuned to your child’s development. Toddlers do better when they are given an alternative that is pleasing. Instead of telling him to stop biting his lips, try giving him a healthy and tempting snack.

If you try to stop his habit with unpleasant solutions such as ointment or hot peppers, it may make matters worse.

• The Malaysian Child Resource Institute is organising a series of Sunrise workshops and seminars for parents in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, every Friday at 7.30am. For more information, call 03-9132 1748 or e-mail mcri@streamyx.com.