Toddlers’ negative habits should be managed positively.

MY son is two and a half years old. He likes to bite his lips when he is sleepy. He picked up this habit when I stopped breastfeeding him at about one year old.

He does it often now – when he is alone, sleepy, watching TV or on long car rides.

Can I put some chilli or minyak angin on his lips to discourage him from biting them? – Concerned Mother

WHEN toddlers develop habits such as nail-biting, hair-pulling, thumb-sucking or lip-biting, parents should find out the cause. To change a habit, parents need to know what triggers the behaviour and use only positive management.

Your son started biting his lips at the time when he was weaned and became more self-aware.

Whenever he feels anxious, worried or lonely, he will bite his lips to channel off negative feelings. According to Dr Alicia F. Lieberman, author of The Emotional Life of the Toddler, as toddlers become more competent and aware of things around them, they will develop fears and insecurities.

Their security base is no longer the same. For example, your son used to find comfort in breastfeeding, but now he is no longer able to do so. At two years of age, your son is becoming more competent and independent but still needs to feel reassured.

He worries about a lot of things such as being left alone or travelling for long periods of time in a car.

You may want to help your child deal with the underlying reason for biting his lips, rather than working at stopping the habit. If you nag him about his lip-biting, he may do it more often to comfort himself.

Before you do anything to get rid of your son’s habit, you must recognise his feelings. Acknowledge them whenever possible so that he knows you are aware of how he feels.

When he is afraid, you can tell him: “You don’t like to be left alone. You are afraid that you cannot see Mummy.”

He may get anxious when he is watching something that is scary on television. Say to him: “You don’t like watching that man on television.” Be watchful to ensure that your child is not exposed to violent acts or display of behaviours that are confusing to a toddler. Keep him occupied with songs and simple games during long car journeys.

Your child needs to be occupied so that he does not bite his lips unknowingly. If he is feeling uncomfortable, try to help him relax by making more frequent pit-stops.

Toddlers fare better when they get a chance to run around to relax. They need to be active after sitting passively for a long time in the car.

Dr Lieberman also cautioned parents that toddlers are affected by the intuitive reactions to their behaviour and responses. If you perceive your toddler positively, and love and accept him unconditionally, he will respond in a like manner.

Keep your expectations reasonable and be attuned to your child’s development. Toddlers do better when they are given an alternative that is pleasing. Instead of telling him to stop biting his lips, try giving him a healthy and tempting snack.

If you try to stop his habit with unpleasant solutions such as ointment or hot peppers, it may make matters worse.

• The Malaysian Child Resource Institute is organising a series of Sunrise workshops and seminars for parents in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, every Friday at 7.30am. For more information, call 03-9132 1748 or e-mail mcri@streamyx.com.

Never be too busy to build bonds with your children.

I WAS aghast when I came across a recent newspaper report that parents spent an average of just eight minutes a day with their children.

What were the parents doing the rest of the 23 hours and 52 minutes? No wonder we read in the papers about children who have gone astray and parents lamenting that they are not able to control their children.

Parents should take full responsibility for taking care of their children. Parenting is a huge on-going task and if one cannot come to terms with that, then one should never embark on being parents.

Below are some guidelines for parents.

Know your child. Who is his best friend in school? Who does he hang around with after school? Better still, meet his friends and have them come over to your place.

Make your home a place where they can hang out and if possible, cook a meal or two for your children’s friends. Also, know who their parents are and more importantly, the contact number and addresses of their buddies so that if anything goes awry you can contact them.

Their friends will think twice if they want to do anything out of the ordinary, after having being acquainted with you.

When was the last time you visited the school? Some parents make it a point to go when they have to collect the report card. Others turn up during the annual Parent Teacher Association meeting. Some never make an appearance in school.

Being an ex-teacher myself, I find that it is imperative for parents to come and meet the teachers, and not only when they are summoned to. When the parents take the trouble to meet the teachers, the teachers will take extra care over the student. Also, the pupil will be wary now that the teacher has met his parents and will think twice before he does mischief or play truant in school.

Aside from that, what about the tuition teachers? Many parents faithfully send their children for tuition and feel they have done their duty. Make it a point to see the tuition teacher to check on your child’s progress. These can be topics of conversation with your children.

One way to make sure that you spend time with your offspring is to have at least one meal with them. Dinner would be good but if you cannot fit it in during weekdays, then try the weekends.

Better still, prepare your children’s favourite dishes, if you know what they are. Sit and chat with them. A joke or two would be good. If you can do that with your friends, why can’t you do that with your family members?

I also advocate visiting the grandparents during the weekends; family bonds are ever so important.

Take the initiative to organise family dos, for example, a picnic with cousins or a barbecue with uncles and aunts. Or there might be enough cousins to have a football game, with fathers and uncles included.

Finally, parents nowadays tend to indulge their children. When both parents are working, they shed their guilt of not spending time with their children by giving them more money than they need. There are expensive toys for the younger ones and PlayStations for the older kids. Many youngsters today are armed with the latest handphones.

Parents should keep a check on their children’s expenditure; perhaps then there will be fewer youths who smoke or while away their time at Internet cafes. We could even eradicate the problem of Mat Rempit if parents keep an eye on their children’s whereabouts.

And so I urge all parents to spend more time with their children. Do not live to regret that you did not have time for them in their formative years.

Marcelen Cox sums it up when she says: “Parents are so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves.”

The best inheritance parents can give their children is to spend time with them.

Where do parents’ rights end and children’s rights begin?

WE LIVE in a world filled with different ways of expressing life. Every parent has his or her own way of raising children.

There are parents who believe that children should be told what to do and set right by strict disciplinary rules.

Other parents prefer to raise their children by offering them guidance in making their own choices.

We would like to think that every child is safe under the protection and guidance of his or her parents. But sadly, with the rising number of child abuse and neglect cases in our society, we must view with seriousness how parents deal with their children.

There have been too many incidents where the rights of children were violated. We cannot condone any form of violence against children.

The United Nations Declaration of the Rights of the Child states that “children have the right to special protection, and facilities to enable them to develop in a healthy and normal manner, in freedom and dignity” and “love and understanding and an atmosphere of affection and security, in the care and under the responsibility of their parents whenever possible.”

One parent I talked to was of the opinion that children will become spoilt brats if the cane is not used to discipline them.

She said she was a responsible adult whose parents used physical punishment on her. Her young boys know how to behave because they fear the cane.

Another parent said she chose to raise her children without the cane because she did not want them to fear her, the way she feared her own father.

She wanted a different kind of relationship with her children, one that stems from respect and not fear.

Her father used to hit her to manage her misbehaviour. As an adult, she still finds it hard to communicate her feelings and opinions to him.

Parents are caretakers of their children’s rights. Joan E. Durrant, a child-clinical psychologist who authored a parents’ manual on positive discipline (Save the Children, Sweden, 2007), stated that parents need help with parenting.

She wrote that many parents still rely on instincts or their childhood experiences. They have not given much thought to their reactions to their young children. Sometimes parents may have childhood experiences that are negative and violent.

Parents who have little knowledge of what discipline is all about, end up thinking that scolding and hitting are the only ways to manage their children.

No parent does all the right things and none of the wrong things. We all want to do what is best for our children and ourselves.

To do the job right, parents need information on child development and know-how to set the right goals for their children.

Parents have the right to make choices for their children. It is up to them to ensure their children have a reasonable opportunity to develop in a healthy and normal manner.

These include the right to adequate nutrition, housing, recreation and medical services, as well as love, security, education and protection against abuse and discrimination.

Research studies find that children are sensitive to the way parents deal with their challenging behaviour.

They imitate parental behaviour in using force and anger to solve problems. Many behavioural problems in children are the result of how their parents disciplined them.

Parents can explain things to children and provide them with the resources and knowledge to make informed decisions. They should then respect their children’s choices. As they guide their children based on their own values and beliefs, they should also respect their children’s choices in developing their own values and beliefs.

Do parents have the right to decide the values and traditions by which their children are to be raised, or do children have a right to choose these for themselves?

I believe parents who have positive self-awareness and are confident that they are doing right by their children, can strike a balance between the rights of children and those of parents.

Parents are not only teachers; they are also learners. As we embark on this parenting journey, we will learn many lessons about ourselves and our children.

Excessive self-touching should be viewed seriously.

MY three-and-a-half-year-old son is quite active and adorable. Of late, I caught him playing with his penis. It surprised me and I tried hard to be discreet in handling the situation.

I asked him what he was doing and he replied that he was just playing. He then asked me to turn away or watch TV or carry on with what I was doing and leave him alone to play.

The third time, I caught him off-guard. I asked him why he was playing with his penis, and whether it was itchy. I also enquired whether anyone had touched him there.

He quickly changed topic and ignored me. When I probed further, he said his dad taught him. I asked my hubby and he said he never taught him that.

I then told my son that he lied to me and that it was not right to lie. Then he named his cousin brother. He kept on changing his answers each time I asked him.

Just yesterday, he locked himself in the bedroom. I couldn’t get in and he finally opened the door after one or two minutes.

I asked him what he was doing and if he was playing with his penis again. He said no.

I pulled down his pants and his penis was erect. I then asked him if he enjoyed doing it. He said it was itchy down there.

Is this something unusual or part of growing up? I’m worried that he will continue to do this elsewhere, or when he is on his own.

Both my husband and I never behave badly and we hardly get intimate with him around. I wonder what caused him to react in this manner.

A babysitter is looking after my son. She is also looking after two girls, aged two and four. – Worried Mother

First, start by taking your child to see a medical professional to rule out a medical issue, such as infection or even possible exposure to sexual abuse.

When a preschooler shows excessive self-touching, you have to look into the matter seriously. Barring all medical issues, it is normal for a preschooler to touch himself as he explores and develops body awareness.

Often, young boys will touch, scratch or tug in that area. In the course of doing this, many toddlers and preschoolers discover that they get a pleasant sensation from touching themselves.

Dr Gwen Smith, retired paediatrician, mother of five and grandmother of seven, says that children at this age are discovering their own bodies.

Your son has probably found that this is an interesting part of him. It is not necessary to attribute his behaviour to someone else having taught him to do so.

He has no knowledge of sexual function. His behaviour is not immoral although socially unacceptable to people who are not used to dealing with small children.

Dr Smith added that it is better not to reinforce his interest by paying a lot of attention to his behaviour. Distraction is the best approach. Don’t make him feel guilty. This is often a self-comforting behaviour.

You may also want to consider whether there is any reason for him to need to use a comfort habit at this time. Is there a new sibling or a new teacher in school? Are you moving house?

Find out if your child is upset over certain changes in his daily routines. Don’t call attention to this by discussing it with other adults while he is there and listening. Any sort of attention will reinforce the behaviour.

Avoid confronting your son with questions that may worry or frighten him. You may want to take some time to explain about his body and his private parts. You can also talk about privacy like when he goes to the bathroom.

If you feel uncomfortable with his self-touching, keep him occupied with “hands-on” activities such as playdough, building blocks, craft play and simple cooking activities.

It is also advisable to do spot-checks at his babysitter’s house. Make observations of your son at play with other children as well as his interactions with other adults.

It is important to know what is going on at different times of his life. This will help you deal with the developmental changes in your son.

• There is a parent and child learning together session at Children’s World Kindergarten in Subang Jaya this Saturday, 10am to 12pm. For more information, call Anne (012-653 4975/ 03-8025 9910). This is a community programme.

Lutein’s role in protecting the eyes from age-related macular degeneration begins at birth.

WHEN the macula, the central area of vision found on the retina of the eye, loses its light-sensing cells, this can result in an inability to read, drive, see fine details or recognise faces. This is known as age-related macular degeneration (AMD) and affects those aged 60 and above.

The principle cause of AMD is exposure to blue light which is present in all kinds of lights – from fluorescent light to candle light – and predominantly found in sunlight.

Fruits such as mangoes are rich in lutein.

Unlike ultraviolet (UV) light, blue light is visible. Blue light waves are what make an object appear blue and even in yellow light, you can still find blue light. You don’t need to look directly into a source of light to be affected by its glare because blue light waves are very short and scatter easily.

In the eyes, UV light and infrared light are generally absorbed by the corneas and lens. But blue light or high-energy wavelengths of light which fall in the range of 400-500 nanometers (nm) on the visible light spectrum can pass through the cornea and lens and reach the retina directly.

Melanin, which gives eyes their colour, helps to trap high-energy light rays so that they don’t reach the macula and cause damage. This is why people with fair skin or light-coloured eyes are more susceptible to macular degeneration caused by blue light, as they have less melanin in their irises to protect the macula.

One way to cut down on the exposure to blue light is to wear sunglasses.

Dr Choong Yee Fong, Head of Cataract Service and Paediatric Ophthalmology Service in Selayang Hospital, Kuala Lumpur, says: “Everybody should wear sunglasses, even babies.”

But not all types of sunglasses protect the eyes from blue light. Golfers wear yellow-tinted sunglasses as the colour blue has been shown to block yellow. They are known as blue blockers and come in a variety of tints, including light yellow, dark yellow, amber and plum.

As we age, the lenses in our eyes naturally turn yellow, helping to filter out blue light and protect the retina from damage. But children don’t have the same protection as their lenses are clear and allow blue light to reach the retina.

As the eyes do not stop forming until the age of 18 to 20, any damage to the eyes can affect the quality of vision.

“Children’s eyes are particularly vulnerable to exposure and subsequent damage from blue light as they are born with relatively clear lenses. The amount of blue light reaching the retina at the back of the eye is greater in infants and young children than in adults,” says Dr Choong.

Studies have show that 60% to 70% of blue light reaches the back of the eye in children between the ages of two and 10, compared to only 20% in adults between the ages of 60 and 90. Hence, there is a need to protect children from the damaging effects of blue light as it affects their eyes the most during their early years of childhood.

Looking into lutein

Lutein, (pronounced “loo-teen”) from the Latin lutea meaning “yellow,” is one of 600 naturally-occurring carotenoids (a natural colorant or pigment) found in dark green, leafy vegetables and fruits that are yellow, red or orange in colour.

“It protects the retina and reduces the chances of macular degeneration, therefore providing the eyes with a window of protection,” says Dr Choong.

The benefits of lutein are different from that of vitamin A (beta-carotene) as the former protects the macula by absorbing and filtering blue light, while the latter is responsible for a person’s ability to see.

Lutein is concentrated in the outer plexiform layer of the retina, the layer before the light hits the photoreceptors.

The best source of lutein is mother’s breast milk.

Prof Dr Eric Louis Lien, of the Department of Food Sciences and Human Nutrition, University of Illinois, Urbana, says: “I would advise mothers to feed their babies exclusively with breast milk for the first six months. That will give them the protection they need. Of course, the mother also needs to eat more fruits and vegetables, which is another source of lutein, to increase the level of lutein in her breast milk.”

Lutein cannot be manufactured by the body and must be obtained from foods that are rich in lutein such as kale, spinach, bok choy, mangoes, tomatoes and carrots. As most children are averse to eating their greens, parents have to find creative ways to disguise vegetables in their children’s meals.

Although lutein has an accumulative effect in the retina, the eye’s built-in defence mechanism can weaken with age, neglect, injury and disease. A fresh supply of lutein daily will help top up your lutein “bank account” and ensure your retina is constantly shielded from the damaging effects of blue light.

Study shows angst-ridden teens have different brain structures.

IT TURNS out your mother was right: angst-ridden teens really do have something wrong with their heads.

A study found that teens who regularly get into fights with their parents have significantly different brain structures than their more laid-back peers.

Australian researchers mapped the brains of some 137 early teens and then videotaped them during “problem-solving” conversations with their parents about disagreements over issues like homework, bedtimes, or Internet and cell phone use.

“What we found was there was actually a relationship between the size and the structure of the various parts of the brain and the way the kids behave in these interactions,” said lead researcher Nicholas Allen of the University of Melbourne.

The parts of the brain which are involved in emotional responses were much more developed in the teens who got into fights with their parents, Allen said.

“Their emotions are developing much faster than are the parts of the brain that help them to manage those emotions,” he said.

“That’s the kind of thing that hopefully catches up later on, but in between you’ve got this mismatch between the two.”

The findings should offer some comfort to parents trying to understand why their once-cheerful children are suddenly transformed into sulky, over-sensitive strangers, especially since this mismatch is usually resolved by the time the brain finishes developing in the mid-20s.

“Many parents do find it a comforting thought to be told that it’s not necessarily abnormal or a reflection of the child’s character that they’re being grumpy and surly because they are going through a biological change which is a fairly significant one,” he said.

“(But) there are all sorts of things that can influence grumpiness.

“It might be that the family has developed a poor pattern of interaction, it might be that the kid is lazy, or the kid needs to be taught more responsibility or to respect others more.”

It’s also possible that these biological changes are in response to the home environment, Allen said of the study published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Other studies have found that extreme neglect and sexual and physical abuse can impact brain development. A stressful home environment has also been linked to the early onset of puberty in girls, he said.

“What we don’t know anything about is, is there an affect about the more normal variations in the family environment on the way the brain develops,” he said.

“We’re not sure if the environment is affecting the biology or the biology is affecting the environment. Probably the most likely truth is they both affect each other.”

Allen hopes to find some answers to these questions as his team delves deeper into a long-term study of these youth and their families.

They will be closely analysing the family interactions to see if there is a link between parenting skills or styles, and the emotional and biological development of the teens. – AFP

Getting your toddler to eat need not be a war of wills.

PETER made a face when he detected something green in his fried rice. No, it was not a worm, just a harmless shred of spinach. Peter is becoming extremely fussy with food. Welcome to the world of toddlers!

As a baby grows into a toddler, you will see dramatic changes in his eating habits. Easy spoon-feeding becomes history as your toddler starts self-feeding.

He begins to express his preference for a certain food to the extent of wanting it everyday while waging war against others, usually vegetables.

Sometimes he licks his plate clean but generally you find him eating less now. He kicks up a fuss when he sees his chicken “touching” the carrot on his plate.

Or a tantrum erupts when gravy is drizzled over his rice. And he drives you to boiling point by playing with food that you have painstakingly prepared. Is your little one becoming a monster? No, he is just maturing.

For a smoother ride through this picky eating phase, let’s look at it from Mum’s angle and from junior’s perspective.

Mum has junior’s nutritional interests at heart. She believes that junior needs good nutrition for optimum growth and development. So when junior refuses food, Mum resorts to coaxing, cajoling, bribing, threatening and lastly forcing him to eat.

This sets off mealtime battles. Moreover, up till now, junior has depended fully on Mum for food and everything else. So Mum feels unprepared and challenged by junior’s sudden urge for independence. She finds it hard to relinquish her control over him.

On the other hand, junior is suddenly aware of the many things around him that are begging to be explored. Sure, he feels hungry at times but discovery, fun and new experiences are top priorities now.

Through them, he makes remarkable progress mentally, physically, emotionally and socially. So food takes a back seat. In fact, his declining appetite is normal and in tandem with his slower growth rate at this stage.

To be precise, junior experiences growth spurts, during which he grows very rapidly over several weeks, and that accounts for his good appetite then, before lapsing into slow growth mode again.

But for sure, junior will never starve himself. If only Mum knows this, she will have more peace of mind and nag less.

Once you understand that junior’s changing attitude towards food is a part of his development, you will be able to manage his quirky eating habits better.

Mealtimes should be happy times. You should impart positive attitudes towards food and create pleasant eating experiences for your child so that he grows up healthy and with high self-esteem.

For example, a child who is not force-fed but instead is allowed to use his own discretion on how much to eat, will feel more confident and in control.

By heeding his natural fullness and hunger signals, he will less likely become obese. In contrast, a child who has to fight constantly at the dining table would tend to become stubborn or defiant because if we look deeper, mealtime battles are not only about food but are actually wars of wills between mother and child.

So how do we fill a fussy toddler’s tummy and make his mealtime happy?

Here are some tips to help you.

· Accept your changing role, from spoon-feeding a baby to supervising a self-feeding toddler. This will reduce force-feeding and fights.

· Keep mealtimes regular and have variety to stimulate appetite.

· Introduce new foods alongside familiar ones and make foods easy to eat.

· A tired toddler has no interest in food. Let him rest well before serving him food.

· Food refusal may be a gimmick to get attention. If so, hug or play more with the little one to solve the problem.

· If junior boycotts vegetables, grate, chop or mash them. Then sneak the vegetables into soups, porridge, sandwiches or pies.

· Shapes and colours appeal to kids. Employ them in your choice of foods and crockery.

· Use interesting, child-friendly crockery. A melamine plate with different compartments will prevent foods from “touching” each other. Junior will also get to appreciate the unique taste of each food.

· Serve child-sized portions of food. Do not worry that your child is not eating enough. By nature, babies and young children eat when hungry, stop when full.

Lastly, set a good example yourself. Little junior is watching closely. – Article courtesy of Nestle Nutrition

How to ensure a complete and balanced nutrition plan for children.

PARENTING these days is no longer as straightforward as it seems. Our lifestyles have changed so much with the arrival of fast food restaurants, satellite TV and computer games that it is often quite a challenge for parents to practise or even remember the golden rules of nutrition for their children.

As a reminder of how we can help our children receive the daily vitality they need for a good head-start in life, it is important that we keep up with our parental lessons in nutrition. This article, as the last in the series on nutrition, reprises some of the points that have been discussed so far.

The balancing act

The Food Guide Pyramid is still the best reference for planning balanced meals. It depicts four basic food groups along with how much to eat from each group.

Always top up on fruits and vegetables to ensure proper intake of dietary fibre and essential vitamins and minerals, and cut back on empty sugars and starches and hydrogenated fats (from deep fried foods).

Remember to fortify your healthy food intake by incorporating healthy eating habits through practising balance, moderation and variety for ample nutrient availability, a healthy weight maintenance and proper digestion. And follow that up with regular exercise as it is the all-important other component to optimal health.

Power up with breakfast

There is good reason why breakfast is called “break fast”. It is because your child has been “fasting” for the last eight hours or more the night before. Eating food in the morning breaks that fast, pumping in the fuel his body needs to power him on for tackling the day’s activities, whether they be school work or exams or sports and other play activities.

Well-nourished children go into class alert and better focused and they seldom fall sick due to immune system problems triggered by lifestyle stressors and of course, poor nutrition.

However, what is preached must also be practised. Children are influenced by role models. When they see their own parents eating breakfast, they are more likely to eat breakfast themselves and carry on the habit for life.

Happiness equals health

Mental stressors do cause immunodeficiency. Unhappy homes filled with fighting and quarrelling, an autocratic parent, constant criticisms and loneliness can bring on headaches, indigestion, diarrhoea, depression and eating problems, killing off or upping appetites that can start a vicious cycle of repetitive illness and malnutrition.

Children who manage stress well have good physical and mental health. They usually have a healthy self-esteem and a sense of humour, and have a consistent and cohesive family structure with open communication lines in the family.

Sense and sensibility

At the end of the day, ensuring a complete and balanced nutrition for our children comes with applying common sense.

Forbidding certain foods is almost guaranteed to send your children bingeing on these foods. Rather than taking the extreme measure of forbidding foods, allow for limited consumption and offer alternatives in the form of tasty but healthy snacks and desserts.

Eating together as a family provides quality family time for all as feelings of unity and belonging are fostered across the dinner table. It is also a chance for parents to lead by example, showing good attitudes towards food, and displaying appropriate table manners and social skills.

Furthermore, meals prepared and eaten at home are more nutritious as parents have control, ensuring the use of healthful ingredients without the need for deep frying and the over-use of salt. More fruits and vegetables can be served alongside complex carbohydrates and quality protein and food hygiene observed.

Finally, having a good night’s sleep is the round-up needed for total well being. No amount of nutrition will be of any good if the body is ravaged and worn out. Sleep gives the body the chance to repair, recoup and rebuild, affecting not just the physical but the emotional and spiritual levels as well. For this reason, sleep has been hailed as the silent healer.

Handling picky eating

Picky eating is usually an issue with parents of young children. Persistent picky eating may lead to limited or imbalanced nutrient intake.

However, the problem is transient as picky eating is a phase that occurs in about 25% of children aged from three to seven years of age. The habit rarely extends to adolescence or adulthood. Some ways to overcome picky eating are as follows:

How to help your child overcome her fear of washing hair.

MY daughter will be four years old in two months’ time. She is terrified of washing her hair. This has been a problem for her from very young.

I have tried many ways to get her to relax when taking a shower. For example, she role-plays washing hair for her Barbie doll, plays with her toys in the bathtub and sing songs.

When I asked her why she was so scared of washing her hair, she told me she was afraid that water would get into her eyes. She asked me to get her a pair of goggles. – Worried Mother

Your daughter may have gotten soap suds into her eyes, nose or mouth when washing her hair. Listen carefully to what she has to tell you about her problems with hair washing.

Don’t be too quick to brush aside her feelings. She may be sensitive to the way you approach her problem. The more time you spend listening attentively to your child, the better she will feel.

Many children around this age have problems with water and soap getting into their eyes. They worry even at the anticipation of having their hair washed. Sometimes no amount of coaxing can convince them.

Your child needs to feel she is in control when it comes to washing her hair. You can make suggestions but the final decision lies with her. When one way does not work, try another. Let her find the most suitable way to wash her hair so that she will be reassured that she will not get water into her eyes.

Try out her suggestion of using goggles. Focus on the best way for her to have her hair washed. A suggestion coming from your daughter is always worth trying because she feels she has the power to make a change.

Offer to let her wash your hair to show you how she wants her hair washed. Organise a family hair wash session where everyone gets a hair wash. Explore different ways of washing hair, for example, using a towel to cover the face or having hair washed with the head tilted to the back. This is a fun way for everyone in the family to help your daughter work out her problem.

You may want to give her a mirror to look at how her hair is being washed while you are doing it. Children feel less fear when they can see what is going on.

Use a cooperative approach instead of providing her with the answers that you think may work. Be patient with her. It may take some time before she feels reassured. Children in their early childhood years build their confidence gradually but surely.

To settle her fears, you need to help her work on possible solutions. Avoid telling her what is best for her; rather, let her try to work it out using different approaches. While it may take time for her to let go of her fears, your support and trust can make a big difference.

Games can teach children the spirit of cooperation.

YOUNG children play games mainly for fun. Many children’s games help them learn to problem-solve, and develop motor and language skills. However, competition is often the focus of most games our children play.

Childhood games such as musical chairs or cat-and-mouse emphasise on winning. At the end of the game, those who lose will be sidelined and often feel like failures.

Children need games that focus on getting along and playing as a team. Instead of pushing or trying to outdo each other, children can also enjoy games that require them to help one another achieve success. Children as young as two years of age can care and feel for others.

The game of musical chairs, often played at children’s parties, can be upsetting to those who get eliminated because they did not sit on a chair when the music stopped.

This game focuses on who ends up as the winner and does not centre on children’s involvement. Children would shove and push one another to get a seat so that they can win.

Parents should consider games that are not only fun but encourage children to be part of a community. While we are eager to get our children to develop competitive skills, we do not want them to trample on others along the way.

Children can learn from an early age that they garner more from helping others to succeed than concentrating on self-gain only.

Here are some suggestions on how to make games less competitive and teach children to be more cooperative:

Musical chairs

Tell children that this game will require them to work together to find a place for everyone. They can be creative in the way they all sit together.

Set up two lines of chairs for as many children there are in the game. As the music plays, the children will walk around the chairs.

Remove one chair before the music stops. Everyone will find a place for one another to sit down. They can share their seats. By the end of the game, when there is only one chair left, children can decide what they want to do so everyone can still be together.

Mother, may I?

The whole family can play this game. For starters, a parent can take the lead by giving out the instructions. All the other players will stand a distance from the parent. One by one, each player will ask: “Mother, may I?”

The parent will say, “Yes, you may. Take a baby (small) step/mama (medium) step/papa (large) step.”

As each player approaches the parent, she/he gives him a peck on the cheek. The last player gets a big hug to end the game. Everyone applauds when the last player reaches the parent. This game is great fun for very young children and pre-schoolers.

Eeney Teeny Miney Moe

A game of tag on the reverse. The “key” player, who has his eyes closed, will choose from the circle of players by chanting, “Eeney Teeny Miney Moe!”

If his or her finger is on a player, he will touch the other person’s hand. If the key player can tell who the person is, the other person will take over his place. Everyone gets a turn to be the key player.

I ‘8’ it

This is a game of cooperation for a group of nine children. One player becomes the storyteller and tells a story, such as “I went to the market and bought home a big fish. I placed the fish on my dining table, and then I went to take a shower. When I got back, all I found was a fish bone on the table. I wonder who did it?”

Each player sitting in a row will use a number in his reply, “I ‘one’ it” until the last player says, “I ‘eight’ (sounds like ate) it.” Children in their late pre-school years and early primary school years enjoy playing this story-telling game immensely. Each child can tell his or her own story.

Mirror, mirror

This is a game for partners to imitate each other’s movements as quickly as possible. A more challenging version for older children is to eliminate the leader. Players are to move and simultaneously mimic each other.

The gift box

Make a gift box with a mirror inside it. Have the children sit in a circle. As each of them open the lid and look inside the box, they will marvel at the wonderful present that awaits them.

Each player has to say something nice about what is inside without revealing what they see. Of course, each player gets to see his or her own image.

A great game for primary school-age children who often make negative remarks about themselves.

Picky eaters can develop problems in growth and development, including social and academic performance.

MOST mothers will agree that it is nerve-wracking when their child refuses to eat or is extremely fussy about food. Besides normal weight gain, meeting the nutritional needs of the child is the other main concern.

“Probably the most universal complaint of parents is that their child is not eating the food, or amount of food, offered,” said Prof Dr Mauro Fisberg, paediatric nutritionist and head of the paediatrics department at Federal University of Sao Paulo, Brazil.

There are many ways to get a picky eater to finish his meal.

Dr Fisberg was invited by PaediaSure Complete (Abbott Nutrition) to come to Kuala Lumpur recently to share his expertise on the latest developments on picky eating and other feeding problems.

An author of six books on children’s eating disorders, Dr Fisberg said that in general, paediatric clinics record about 10% to 25% of children as being picky eaters.

“Picky eating is becoming a major concern because it can contribute to under-nutrition, (thus) impairing children’s growth and development which includes social and academic performance as well,” he said.

Studies have shown that picky eating can lead to growth complications, increased chronic illness and increased risk of developing eating disorders later in life.

In some cases, picky eating may also cause short-term nutritional deficiencies and produce life-long implications such as social and emotional problems, including aversion to touch, lethargy or lack of interest in playing or learning.

There is no standard definition of picky eating but researchers typically examine a variety of factors, including nutrient intake composition, weight of child, food volume and duration of refusal.

These children also tend to eat small amounts, prefer only selected foods such as carbohydrates or dairy products, avoid trying new foods and take a long time to eat their meals.

There is usually a combination of reasons for picky eating, including physiological factors such as appetite, genetics and growth. Psychological issues such as the struggle for autonomy, changing emotions and moods, and level of affection or adverse interaction between mother and child could also lead to the problem.

Children also go through picky eating phases.

“We do not know why a child who has been eating the same food for a few months simply refuses to eat it the next day,” said Dr Fisberg.

However, he said a majority of picky eaters take after examples set by their parents at home, as many studies indicate that food rejection is a learnt behaviour in almost all cases.

“However, contrary to what many people think, we cannot solve problems of poor appetite in a day or even a week,” he said,

“It all starts with recognising that the child has a right to preferences and aversions. Forcing a child to eat what he does not like is not going to make things better. Make a list of his or her preferences and every week, add two new types of food,” he advised.

Dr Fisberg said sometimes the use of oral supplements was important to maintain balanced nutrition in children.

Dr Pedro Alarcon, paediatric gastroenterologist and international medical director with Abbott Nutrition, said a 2003 study conducted in Taiwan and the Philippines showed that nutritional supplementation increased not only the weight but also the height of children.

The study was done on 92 children aged three to five who were classified as picky eaters. The children were separated into two groups and monitored for three months. One group only received nutritional counselling while the other, nutritional counselling combined with nutritional supplement.

After 60 days, the second group of children recorded significant weight gain compared to the first. Both groups also recorded increases in height.

“That was surprising for us too because we were only expecting weight gain,” he said.

In a year, said Dr Alarcon, a child roughly gains 3cm in height but the children in the study gained more than half of that within three months.

Overall, 28% of children in the second group developed upper respiratory infections compared to 51% in the group which only received nutritional counselling.

“Nutrition in the future will not only target, weight, height and less illness in children, but also more body immunity, brain development or even stronger gastrointestinal defence,” said Dr Alarcon.

In another study headed by Dr Fisberg in 2002 on children aged three to five, adding synbiotics (prebiotics and probiotics) to oral supplements showed that there were more sick days recorded in groups which did not take synbiotics. The period of the study was four months.

“Paediatric oral supplementation should be considered as part of a comprehensive strategy when dealing with picky eating to prevent children from becoming undernourished,” said Dr Alarcon.

Dr Fisberg said probably the most prescribed solution by doctors for picky eating is appetite stimulants, mainly to avoid mothers forcing their children to eat.

“I would not recommend that because the stimulants probably work for one or two weeks only, after which the body will adapt to it,” he said, adding that vitamin supplements should only be recommended if the child has a specific vitamin deficiency.

Dr Alarcon added that picky eating in children below one year old is rare and thus should be checked to ensure there were no other health problems.

After one year, a child may also develop some picky eating because that was when they achieve autonomy and have new habits and ability, hence become less interested in food, said Dr Fisberg, adding that weight gain may slow down at that time too.

Generally, when should parents be concerned that their child is having a picky eating problem?

“Usually one month is enough to rule out other possibilities such as medical problems and to see if the picky eating problem is serious,” said Dr Fisberg, who also anchors a television programme called Body Sciences on University TV in Sao Paulo.

Positive reinforcement

Tips to cultivate healthy eating habits:

1. Avoid distractions during mealtime.

2. Adopt a neutral attitude – do not pressure a child to eat.

3. Encourage appetite by limiting snacks and balancing food portions.

4. Limit duration of meal time.

5. Provide age-appropriate foods.

6. Introduce new foods to a child gradually and regularly.

7. Encourage children to eat independently – do not spoonfeed a child who is old enough to use utensils.

8. Allow children to make a mess when they eat.

When your child starts to call the maid ‘mama’, it’s time to pay more attention to him.

I HAVE three kids aged two-and-a-half, six and eight. My maid has been with us since my son was one month old. She has been telling my son that if he does not behave or listen to her, she will leave him and return home.

My son feels sad whenever I do not bring my maid along when we go out as a family. He would not hug me or run to me when I pick him up from nursery school. When he reaches home, he would ask my maid to hug him. I am worried about this close bond he has for the maid.

When I told my son that my maid would have to go home one day, he threw a fit. He said he would never accept anyone else except her. He has even started to call her “mama”. I suspect my maid has influenced him into doing so.

Lately, I discovered that my maid has been stealing from us. We had trusted her but sadly, she has been dishonest. We have decided to dismiss her because we can no longer tolerate her ways.

We are now worried about our son’s emotional state. I depend on my maid as my son’s caregiver when I am out and about. I am still breastfeeding my son at night. This is the only time I am able to care for him. Please advise me on how to handle this situation when my maid leaves. I hope my son would not get too upset with her dismissal. How should I explain this to him? – Worried Mother

AS a child enters his third year, he can have several satisfying relationships with the people in his life – his father, mother, sisters, caregivers and grandparents. He also understands the hierarchy of these relationships. They all have a special meaning to him. Some relationships are more central to him at this point of his life and he will protest at the possibility of separation.

His caregiver, your maid, plays an important role in his life because she takes care of him while you are away. She is also his playmate. But you are still his mother. As he becomes more aware of his feelings, he is also able to recognise the feelings of others. When he is upset, he does not feel love. He also worries that when other people are upset with him, they may not love him either. With his lack of experience and limited ability, he finds it difficult to grasp that others may feel differently. As a result, he feels anxious whenever he fears any loss. He will get very upset when you or your maid mentions that he will lose someone close to him.

The problem you have with your maid can lead to more anxiety for your child. To help ease the transition for your young son, pay attention to his needs and feelings. If you can start to fill his emotional tank with positive actions and words, your son will be more cooperative and relaxed. For example, while you are in-between errands, take some time to read to him or do a quiet time activity with him. You need not wait for him to hug you or say:

“I love you!” You can give these loving gestures spontaneously. Instead of telling your son to prepare to say goodbye to your maid, you may want to build a strong friendship with him. Make time to play games that help him master separation issues, such as hide-and-seek or role-playing with dolls and animals.

Create a happy and harmonious home environment for your son. While your maid is still around, be nice to her, as this will prove to your son that all is well, no matter what changes lie ahead.

Infant massage can help in baby’s growth and well-being.

A MASSAGE is usually what a mother needs after a long day of looking after her children.
Datuk Dr Zulkifli Ismail, consultant paediatrician and former president of the Malaysian Paediatric Association, demonstrating the Touch Infant Massage technique for a baby’s leg, which includes bringing the knees up to the body.

However, studies from as far back as 1997 show that massaging babies not only relaxes the child but also has physical and psychosocial benefits.
There are many medical practitioners who think more in-depth research needs to be done to substantiate this.
However, Datuk Dr Zulkifli Ismail, consultant paediatrician and former president of the Malaysian Paediatric Association, said a gentle massage revitalises any individual and it works the same for babies.
“Massages can help a baby increase his body weight, strengthen his resistance and help build self-confidence,” said Dr Zulkifli, who adopts massage techniques advocated by the Touch Research Institute (TRI).

Among the techniques in the Touch Infant Massage set of techniques are (from top pic) the chest, back, hand, and leg massage.

The TRI was established in 1992 by Dr Tiffany Field, a pioneer of modern massage research, at the University of Miami’s School of Medicine via a start-up grant from Johnson & Johnson.
Dr Zulkifli added that studies have also shown that massage reduces the intensity and duration of colic in babies.
“In children with sleep problems, massages help them fall asleep faster and they have fewer night wakings,” said Dr Zulkifli, who specialises in paediatric cardiology.
Johnson’s Baby recently launched its Touch Infant Massage Workshop Series in Petaling Jaya, which saw the first workshop conducted involving about 200 mothers and nurses.
These workshops, to be held in seven states from July to October, will involve demonstrations of proper infant and baby massage techniques by qualified trainers.
A 2007 AC Nielsen survey on 300 Malaysian mothers with babies aged up to 36 months showed that the incidence of infant massage increased from 48% in 2003 to 56% in 2007.
However, Stanford Guo, marketing director of Johnson & Johnson Sdn Bhd, said there is still a large number of mothers who do not practise it.
“Physiological and psychiatric studies have shown that infant massage or touch therapy can trigger notable changes that help infants attain growth and development in several positive ways,” said Guo at the launch.
Another study conducted in Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia between 2000 and 2001 on 72 babies showed that moderate touch on skin leads to better food absorption and also relieves stress, thus improving immune function.
These findings are consistent with clinical studies presented in 1997 at the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) annual meeting. The studies found that touch therapy also helps premature newborns gain weight faster, asthmatic children improve their breathing function and diabetic children comply with treatment.
In 1997, researchers at TRI also found improved motor development in premature newborns and cocaine-exposed infants, specifically in terms of habituation (decrease in responsiveness upon repeated exposure to a stimulus), orientation and motor and sensory development.
The top three benefits of massaging babies, Dr Zulkifli said, are weight gain, bonding between parent and child, and better psychosocial development of the child.
“Infant massage is about empowering parents with the knowledge to care for the child,” said Dr Zulkifli, who also encourages fathers to perform the massage.
The complete Touch Infant Massage advocated by Johnson’s Baby consists of a set of techniques performed on the baby’s head and face, chest, stomach, back, hands and legs. Throughout the massage, it is important to maintain eye contact, and sing or talk to the baby.
“The use of baby oil is optional,” said Dr Zulkifli. “For older babies, you can use slightly more pressure on the stomach to reduce wind.
“Remember to keep the room warm and also rub your hands to warm them up. Be relaxed when you do the massage and don’t do it when you are in a rush as your baby can sense how you feel through your touch and expression,” he said.

The Touch Infant Massage workshops will be held in Ipoh on Aug 2, Penang on Aug 3, Seremban on Aug 9, Johor Baru on Aug 10, Petaling Jaya on Aug 17 and Temerloh on Oct 11. For enquiries or registration, call 1-300-88-0566 on weekdays from 9am to 5pm.

When your child starts to call the maid ‘mama’, it’s time to pay more attention to him.

I HAVE three kids aged two-and-a-half, six and eight. My maid has been with us since my son was one month old. She has been telling my son that if he does not behave or listen to her, she will leave him and return home.
My son feels sad whenever I do not bring my maid along when we go out as a family. He would not hug me or run to me when I pick him up from nursery school. When he reaches home, he would ask my maid to hug him. I am worried about this close bond he has for the maid.
When I told my son that my maid would have to go home one day, he threw a fit. He said he would never accept anyone else except her. He has even started to call her “mama”. I suspect my maid has influenced him into doing so.
Lately, I discovered that my maid has been stealing from us. We had trusted her but sadly, she has been dishonest. We have decided to dismiss her because we can no longer tolerate her ways.
We are now worried about our son’s emotional state. I depend on my maid as my son’s caregiver when I am out and about. I am still breastfeeding my son at night. This is the only time I am able to care for him. Please advise me on how to handle this situation when my maid leaves. I hope my son would not get too upset with her dismissal. How should I explain this to him? – Worried Mother

AS a child enters his third year, he can have several satisfying relationships with the people in his life – his father, mother, sisters, caregivers and grandparents. He also understands the hierarchy of these relationships. They all have a special meaning to him. Some relationships are more central to him at this point of his life and he will protest at the possibility of separation.
His caregiver, your maid, plays an important role in his life because she takes care of him while you are away. She is also his playmate. But you are still his mother. As he becomes more aware of his feelings, he is also able to recognise the feelings of others. When he is upset, he does not feel love. He also worries that when other people are upset with him, they may not love him either. With his lack of experience and limited ability, he finds it difficult to grasp that others may feel differently. As a result, he feels anxious whenever he fears any loss. He will get very upset when you or your maid mentions that he will lose someone close to him.
The problem you have with your maid can lead to more anxiety for your child. To help ease the transition for your young son, pay attention to his needs and feelings. If you can start to fill his emotional tank with positive actions and words, your son will be more cooperative and relaxed. For example, while you are in-between errands, take some time to read to him or do a quiet time activity with him. You need not wait for him to hug you or say:
“I love you!” You can give these loving gestures spontaneously. Instead of telling your son to prepare to say goodbye to your maid, you may want to build a strong friendship with him. Make time to play games that help him master separation issues, such as hide-and-seek or role-playing with dolls and animals.
Create a happy and harmonious home environment for your son. While your maid is still around, be nice to her, as this will prove to your son that all is well, no matter what changes lie ahead.